Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Witholding Judgement


One of the skills we need to learn as parents is how to withold judgement.  I remembered this because I failed at it yesterday.  My 17 yr. son was telling me about how his astrological sign was creepy because it was totally true and really nailed his personality.

When I heard this, I just completely went off about the silliness of astrological signs (no offense intended to those who put stock in those things) and I watched as my son's face fell and he walked away.  Then it hit me.  I had reacted foolishly!  He was opening up to me and telling me a little about his hopes and dreams for the future.

Luckily, it's never too late to fix things in a relationship.  Later I went and apologized and talked about how wonderful a person he was and how excited I was for his hopes and dreams, and that I believed in him.  It was a bonding moment.....which could've happened a lot earlier if I had remembered to withold judgement.

Often times we judge and speak before we listen.  We need to listen with our hearts, and trust that our children have good intentions.  Even if they don't have good intentions, if they see that we believe in them, then they will be empowered to make the right choices much more than if we judge and lecture.

One key to not judging I've found over the years is to ask questions first.  Before you lecture, ask questions.  See if that child can come to the right conclusions just by talking it out with you.  It works way better than a lecture, and preserves the bond of love and trust.

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