Friday, April 25, 2014

The Five love Languages

I mentioned in a previous post that one of my favorite books is "The 5 Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman,Ph.D.  (The book on teens and the one on marriage are also really great).

I wanted to list the five love languages.  The first love language is "Words of Affirmation." 
This is a great article about complimenting children.


 Words of affirmation are when you say nice things to your child like, "I really love it that you put your backpack away when you come in the house every day.  That is so helpful!"  You can tell your children need this when they just shine after you give them compliments.  Also they will compliment you a lot.

The next love language is "Quality Time."

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 Some children really need a lot of one on one time.  This is where you take them on a date, or play a game with them, or read to them at bedtime.

The third love language is "touch."  

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Many children need lots of hugs, pats, back scratches, wrestling, whatever form of touch is most comfortable to them.  You can tell this if they are always hanging on you wanting hugs or to be rocked and held if they are little.  Some children will always hit and tackle you, and that is also a sign that they need touch.

The fourth love language is "Service."

 This is where you do things for your child, like make their lunch for school.  We all know we shouldn't do everything for our kids.  They need to be independent, but we should show them love by doing some acts of service for them.

The last love language is giving "gifts."  

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This is when you give your child a present like a souvenir from a trip.  Some children treasure gifts more than others.  It is interesting to see how they cherish and put them in special places and take them out often to look at it.  A gift can even be a special rock found at a beach.

The main point I want to make about this is that every child will have one or two "main" love languages that they need the most.  But I have discovered in my own family and through working in classrooms that ALL CHILDREN NEED ALL LOVE LANGUAGES.

Each of my children have a main one, but they crave all of them, so I have to do them all for each child, while being mindful of the one they crave the most.  As soon as I started doing the love languages with my children and trying to figure out what each child needed, my whole family improved.  I stopped having to discipline almost ever because their behavior was so good.  It was amazing.  Now usually they just do what I ask them to do.  If they don't, it usually just takes a small discussion to remedy it.  This is because they are so full of love and security that they want to do what is right.  The reason children act out is because they may feel unloved and insecure.  Not that they aren't getting love, but they may not be getting it in "their" language that they need.  So it is worth researching.

Here is a website to help you figure out your family's love languages.  It is worth the time and effort because it will make your life so much easier and your family so much happier!

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