Words of Wisdom

I couldn't enlarge this any more, but I had to post it anyway because I loved it so much!

Helping Children Develop Talents

(source: kaeleedenise.com)

When I was a young mother and I heard about crazy busy families rushing around to all kinds of different child activities, I thought to myself, "I will NEVER do that."  I wanted a more peaceful life for my family.

But when my children started their pre-teen years I noticed their self-esteem was down a little bit.  After some investigation, I realized that I needed to help them to develop talents as one of the ways to help them feel good about themselves.  As soon as I enrolled my daughters in gymnastics and my sons in soccer, their whole world changed and they really gained confidence in themselves.  I also found that their ability to work was increased as they labored to become better at something they really cared about.

So over the years I have become a crazy busy mother, rushing around, but trying to keep it in perspective.  I usually only let them do one music class and one sport class.   At times it feels crazy with five kids doing ten different things, but I feel it is worth the sacrifice, in order to help my kids gain confidence.   Here are some tips to use as you think about discovering your own kids' talents and passions:

• Let them choose for themselves, but instead of offering them the world, give them a list to choose one thing from that you feel your family is capable of maintaining.
• Try to find activities they can walk to, so you aren't driving so much.
• Use the buddy system, have older siblings help with driving or walking to activities.
• Let them change activities after they finish one season.  Children need to experiment to find the things they love.
• Let them try things they don't think they'll be good at.  They may be surprised.
• Give lots of positive reinforcement...not criticism.
• Don't be the parent shouting at your child on the sidelines.  This is embarrassing to them.
• Instead of telling your child to practice, link practicing instruments to privileges.  Say, "sure you can play with your friends as soon as you get your practicing and homework done."  This eliminates the power struggle when you just tell them to practice.
• Start small.  Let them join a local Parks and Rec program rather than a full blown soccer club until they are older.  Kids change their minds a lot and you want to be sure they are really interested before you invest a lot of time or money.
• Younger kids need less activities than older kids.  They need more time with you, so be sure you are taking into consideration their age level and their personality types (introverts will want to be home more than extroverts).
• Use driving time to bond and talk with younger siblings who are along for the ride.

These tips will really help your family as you journey to find your own child's unique talents and abilities.

Family Vacations

(source: fedupusa.org)

Whether it's a trip to Disneyland or a hike to a local waterfall, family vacations are important to families.  The reason is that it allows your family to get away from the craziness of the world for awhile and bond with each other.  Building that bond is important....brother/sister, father/son, mother/daughter and all the other combinations.  That bond is what helps children to know they are loved, it helps them to have stability in times of stress, it gives them good memories and feelings to draw upon, and it is an opportunity to express all the languages of love to your children and your spouse.  Think about it...you spend quality time together, you give each other words of affirmation as you learn new things, you may give each other small gifts, and you do acts of service as you get ready, come home, and even while you are there.  It is amazing how family vacations can draw even struggling relationships closer together.

Here are some tips for making the most of your family vacations, big or small:

1. Choose and plan where to go together as a family
2. Build up the excitement by reading and searching on the web things about your destination and sharing them with the family.
3. Pack, but don't stress.  Give the kids a checklist to pack themselves and then check their bags over.  This will increase their involvement, excitement and responsibility.  There is usually a store where you can pick up things you forgot.
4. While you travel, read the history to the kids of the places you visit.  This increases enjoyment.
5. When you get there, decide together what things are important to you.  You could let each child pick one thing.  Ownership also increases enjoyment.
6. Take LOTS of pictures!  And even videos!  (After a recent death in the family, I am really committed to doing this!)
7. After you get home, spend time talking about what you loved, and maybe make a scrapbook for the kids to look at again and again.  This will increase appreciation, and also bring back those special feelings every time they look at the memories.

Teaching Children How to Work

(earthsavers.typepad.com)

One thing we have noticed as we parent is that many times the classics work the best.  In this case, the good old job chart!  We have tried many ways to teach this vital principle to our children, but the job chart has always worked the best.  We usually link it to some type of reward, it doesn't have to be monetary, just something the child will enjoy.   Yesterday I went in search of differing printable job charts which I will share below, but first...some tips that will help you teach your child how to work successfully.

• Teach the child what the standards are by working with him (many children will need you to work alongside them just because they get lonely and need company while they work.  Sometimes this can be solved by giving them a partner to work with, but it may just be that they need you)
• Use a checklist for the steps of each job.  Post one in each area.  Some people laminate cards on rings for each step.
• Work together as a family.  
• Put on some upbeat music and be silly while you work together.
• Work to help other people and do service for them.  This makes children feel good inside.
• Be kind, don't criticize...just teach.
• Determine whether the child needs the reward weekly or daily to say motivated.
• Make sure it's not so much work that they never get time to play.
• Do not micromanage.  This will discourage the child.  Find things to compliment about what they are doing.  Let go of perfectionism.
• Make sure the job is age appropriate in terms of safety.
• If a child is particularly responsible, do not make them in charge of running the whole household.  A child needs to be a child.  It can be damaging and stressful to make them be the adult in a relationship.
• Change things up every once in awhile to re-motivate.  Change the reward, the chart, the jobs, whatever.

And now....the job charts...click on the captions to go to where you can download the ones you love!

(Squidoo.com)

(corduroydreams.com)

(thecraftingchicks.com)

(scriptures4kids.com)

AND AN ONLINE VERSION!!!!

(onegoodthingbyjillee.com)

FOR MORE IDEAS AND CHARTS:  Go to my parenting pinterest board here.  There are many other printables and ideas for getting children to do their jobs!

What to do with kids in Summer!

My daughter found these summer punch cards for our family to do this summer and we thought we'd share:

(source: craftinge.blogspot.com)

We made the cards worth $5, so it's kind of like an allowance, but you could make it worth ice cream or a mommy date or whatever.  What we put in the blanks are:

• Exercise is worth 2 punches
• Reading is worth 2 punches
• Kind words all day is worth 2 punches
• Obeying the 1st time mom asks all day 2 punches
• Scriptures and prayers by yourself without mom 1 punch
• Finish WHOLE job chart is 3 punches (besides the normal jobs our job chart includes an act of service and a special project of your choice that will grow your brain)
• Bonus:  Going a whole day without electronics is worth 4 punches!

Happy Summer!

Never Micromanage

(source: skinnymom.com)

Children need some control, more when they are young, but parents should never micromanage.  By micromanage I am talking about controlling and managing every step of every little thing the child does.  For instance, if the child is getting dressed, a micromanaging parent will choose the clothes even if it means a big fight with the child, make sure they are putting things on in the right order, take over when the child isn't moving fast enough and put the child's clothes on and tie their shoes for them.

Now, depending on the child's age and ability many of these choices can be done by the child himself.  It will take him more time, and you may have to teach about weather, and matching, but the choice and the actions could be left up to the child himself.

The reason this is important is that children need to practice making good choices and following through independently.  You don't want to be dressing your child when he/she is eight years old.  You want your child to learn to take care of himself.  So I always start as young as I can with letting children do things for themselves including things like walking themselves to school with an older child, making their own sandwiches, getting their own breakfast and snacks, choosing their own activities.  I also sometimes let them make wrong choices so they can learn from their experience.

As they get older, I do things like give them jobs, and say, you can choose when to do this, but you can't play outside with friends until it is done.  Sometimes they choose to do it late in the day, but then they learn by their own experience that if you procrastinate, you don't get as much time with friends.  This teaches them way better than anything I can tell them (although I do sit them down and explain after the fact, about their choice and its consequence).

You would be amazed at how much happier a child is when he has some independence.  Independence gives children confidence and self-esteem.  It is important to note that when you give them independence you also need to offer support.  So if they have questions, be there.  If they need teaching, be there.  And if they need comfort after making a wrong choice, it is important to let them experience the consequence, but you can comfort them and ask them what they can do better next time.