The Birds and the Bees

(source: sheknows.com)

Talking with your kids about sex is happening earlier than it did when I was a child, because life is a lot different and kids are growing up faster these days.  We like to start when they are eight years old because that is when they are old enough to understand, yet not so old as to get too embarrassed by the subject. And it means we, hopefully, beat their peers and the schools in educating them, so we can give it the treatment we want our kids to hear.   It is important to educate your kids about this subject so they are protected from wrong information and from peer pressure to do things they are not ready for....and to protect them from teen pregnancy.

Another thing to note, is that I have a friend who works at Washington State University doing a study on what works when talking to kids about sex and prevention of teen pregnancy.  She said that they found that if the kids were made to feel guilty or bad about it, then it was LESS successful at preventing problems, than if they were taught the subject in a matter of fact way that didn't make them feel bad, or in a way that helped them feel good about self control.

There are two books we use when broaching this subject with our kids.  And we chose them for the fact that they make the kids feel good about the whole subject and self-control.

The first is called, "How to talk to your Child about Sex" by Linda and Richard Eyre.  They also have a great parenting website.

And the second book is called, "Where did I come From?" by Peter Mayle.

And later when kids are going into puberty, we like to use this book, called "What is happening to me?" by Peter Mayle. (although we do like to edit a couple of these pages with our own slant on things)

We usually take our kids on a parent/child date and eat a nice dinner and then talk about things afterward.  My kids love it and look forward to their "Great to be Eight" date!  Hope it works for you as well as it did for us!

Children and Teens need strong Boundaries

(yanphoto.com)

Children, especially teens, think they'll be happier with less rules.  This is actually untrue.  I accidentally proved it with my teenage boy recently.  For some reason I thought, he's old enough for me to relax a little bit and give him more freedom (he's sixteen).  But apparently he wasn't.  He started being late for his curfew, ignoring dinner, and being really grumpy with his parents.  He wasn't quite mature enough to handle his freedom, and so we went back to the way things were.  And as soon as we did?  He was his old cheerful, helpful, responsible self again.

Strong boundaries make children feel secure and happy.  Think of it like building a safety fence around them.  Their job is to go around and bump against the fence, testing it time and time again, but if it stays firm, they feel safe and loved.  Now as teens get older they can maintain a bit of their own safety fence, but each teen is different.  My daughter could do it at sixteen.  Apparently my son could not.  I think I'll wait until he's eighteen to try again to give him a little more freedom.  Each child matures at a different rate.

Some parents try to be their child's best friend and treat their children as equals, being very permissive.  This is a mistake.  Your child has plenty of friends, but they need a parent.  They will not be happy without clear rules and structure in their life.  When we took in our foster child we made a strict schedule and also posted the rules so he would feel more secure and know what to expect.   What was amazing to me was that my own kids were so much happier too knowing exactly what to expect each day!

I don't think rules need to be enforced with anger.  You can enforce rules using a firm, but kind tone.  Children need to know you love them.  And it is important to give them an increase of love after any altercation.

I also don't think you need so many rules that it would take a computer brain to remember them all.  Just pick the ones you care about, and be consistent about enforcing them with love, which I have talked about in some of my older posts.

Don't get mad when children test the rules.  That is their job.  It is how they feel secure, testing them to be sure they are still there.  If you are inconsistent in enforcing the rules they count on, children will begin acting out more and more because of insecurity.  It's like they are floundering around trying to find where that fence is.

Good luck, and remember, helping children learn to obey will bless them in so many ways in society and the workplace where they will have to obey rules to be happy and successful.

Friday Favorite Family Pins

Today's the day I post some of my favorite pins that support families! It's also NATIONAL DOUGHNUT DAY!!  HOW FUN IS THAT?  (click on the captions to go to the sites)  Enjoy!

(thefrugalgirls.com)

(handletheheat.com)

(organicfamilies.blogspot.com)

(themetapicture.com)

(homeremodelnote.com)

(blog.ashleypichea.com)

(princesspinkygirl.com)

(boulderlocavore.com)

Hope your summer is AWESOME!

Teaching Children How to Work

(earthsavers.typepad.com)

One thing we have noticed as we parent is that many times the classics work the best.  In this case, the good old job chart!  We have tried many ways to teach this vital principle to our children, but the job chart has always worked the best.  We usually link it to some type of reward, it doesn't have to be monetary, just something the child will enjoy.   Yesterday I went in search of differing printable job charts which I will share below, but first...some tips that will help you teach your child how to work successfully.

• Teach the child what the standards are by working with him (many children will need you to work alongside them just because they get lonely and need company while they work.  Sometimes this can be solved by giving them a partner to work with, but it may just be that they need you)
• Use a checklist for the steps of each job.  Post one in each area.  Some people laminate cards on rings for each step.
• Work together as a family.  
• Put on some upbeat music and be silly while you work together.
• Work to help other people and do service for them.  This makes children feel good inside.
• Be kind, don't criticize...just teach.
• Determine whether the child needs the reward weekly or daily to say motivated.
• Make sure it's not so much work that they never get time to play.
• Do not micromanage.  This will discourage the child.  Find things to compliment about what they are doing.  Let go of perfectionism.
• Make sure the job is age appropriate in terms of safety.
• If a child is particularly responsible, do not make them in charge of running the whole household.  A child needs to be a child.  It can be damaging and stressful to make them be the adult in a relationship.
• Change things up every once in awhile to re-motivate.  Change the reward, the chart, the jobs, whatever.

And now....the job charts...click on the captions to go to where you can download the ones you love!

(Squidoo.com)

(corduroydreams.com)

(thecraftingchicks.com)

(scriptures4kids.com)

AND AN ONLINE VERSION!!!!

(onegoodthingbyjillee.com)

FOR MORE IDEAS AND CHARTS:  Go to my parenting pinterest board here.  There are many other printables and ideas for getting children to do their jobs!

What to do with kids in Summer!

My daughter found these summer punch cards for our family to do this summer and we thought we'd share:

(source: craftinge.blogspot.com)

We made the cards worth $5, so it's kind of like an allowance, but you could make it worth ice cream or a mommy date or whatever.  What we put in the blanks are:

• Exercise is worth 2 punches
• Reading is worth 2 punches
• Kind words all day is worth 2 punches
• Obeying the 1st time mom asks all day 2 punches
• Scriptures and prayers by yourself without mom 1 punch
• Finish WHOLE job chart is 3 punches (besides the normal jobs our job chart includes an act of service and a special project of your choice that will grow your brain)
• Bonus:  Going a whole day without electronics is worth 4 punches!

Happy Summer!

Never Micromanage

(source: skinnymom.com)

Children need some control, more when they are young, but parents should never micromanage.  By micromanage I am talking about controlling and managing every step of every little thing the child does.  For instance, if the child is getting dressed, a micromanaging parent will choose the clothes even if it means a big fight with the child, make sure they are putting things on in the right order, take over when the child isn't moving fast enough and put the child's clothes on and tie their shoes for them.

Now, depending on the child's age and ability many of these choices can be done by the child himself.  It will take him more time, and you may have to teach about weather, and matching, but the choice and the actions could be left up to the child himself.

The reason this is important is that children need to practice making good choices and following through independently.  You don't want to be dressing your child when he/she is eight years old.  You want your child to learn to take care of himself.  So I always start as young as I can with letting children do things for themselves including things like walking themselves to school with an older child, making their own sandwiches, getting their own breakfast and snacks, choosing their own activities.  I also sometimes let them make wrong choices so they can learn from their experience.

As they get older, I do things like give them jobs, and say, you can choose when to do this, but you can't play outside with friends until it is done.  Sometimes they choose to do it late in the day, but then they learn by their own experience that if you procrastinate, you don't get as much time with friends.  This teaches them way better than anything I can tell them (although I do sit them down and explain after the fact, about their choice and its consequence).

You would be amazed at how much happier a child is when he has some independence.  Independence gives children confidence and self-esteem.  It is important to note that when you give them independence you also need to offer support.  So if they have questions, be there.  If they need teaching, be there.  And if they need comfort after making a wrong choice, it is important to let them experience the consequence, but you can comfort them and ask them what they can do better next time.

The influence of a Mother

I loved this video describing the influence a mother has on her daughters. I watched this with my teen and it was a special moment for both of us.