There are no Bad Kids

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Strengthen your Marriage

(savetosplurge.com)

Dating is key in a marriage.  Do not let this tradition slip away.  It will keep your relationship strong.  It is one of the forms of work it takes to keep a relationship alive!  I loved the above article (click the caption to go there)  These are the types of things my husband and I do regularly.  It really works!

Mother Humor

(www.redtri.com)

When a Child Feels Shame....

(www.janetansbury.com)

When you have caught your child doing something wrong and you notice that they are already very ashamed, there is no need for consequences.  The shame is usually more corrective than consequences are.  Usually in this situation I talk to the child and we work out a better way for next time.  Frankly, I forgive them. This builds trust and I also believe it teaches about forgiveness and mercy as well.

Of course, many times children are just sorry they got caught.  This would be a time to give them a natural type consequence.  But if it is the first offense, and you notice that the child is extremely sorry, I think that the memory of how they felt will change behavior much better than punishment.  (This will also depend on the child's personality, so use your best judgement).

By the way, never purposefully "shame" your child in front of others, or even alone.  This will destroy trust.  Treat them with love and respect, and talk them through their problems, teaching a better path.

Helping Kids Resist Peer Pressure

(www.cdc.gov)

Over the years, I've noticed there are certain things that help kids resist peer pressure.  Here are some ways we have fortified our kids against pressure to do things that are not consistent with their values.

1. The BIGGEST thing I think that helps is to have a stable home environment.  A stable marriage and a stable parent/child relationship is key, as kids tend to act out their insecurities.  Read more articles on this blog on how to achieve these things.

2.   Family Traditions and Regular Family nights/outings-  Your child needs to feel like they belong to a group.  If your family is not actively doing the above things, they will seek it in their peers.  (Some time with friends is good, but you want them to be more bonded to the family than to their friends).

3. Listen before judging.  Kids need to feel accepted, respected, and loved, if they don't, they will also look for acceptance in their peers.

4. Teach them your values, religious or otherwise.  Children tend to flounder unless they have a system of values they've been taught.  If you are religious, teach them to have a personal relationship with God.  This will give them strength and help them to not feel alone.

5. The Touch Love language-  Make sure you are hugging your kids (girls and boys) and giving them pats on the back or wrestling if that is what they like.  Even if your child is a teen, they need touch.  If they don't get it from you, they will seek it elsewhere.

6. Develop their talents- This will help self-esteem, a necessary component in fighting peer pressure.

7. Keep them busy-  As they get to be teens, they will need to fill their time with good things, so boredom doesn't drive them to bad things.  I've found that a part-time job when they turn sixteen really helps them to stay focused on good things.

8.  Show and tell them you love them always.

Witholding Judgement

(www.churchleaders.com)

One of the skills we need to learn as parents is how to withold judgement.  I remembered this because I failed at it yesterday.  My 17 yr. son was telling me about how his astrological sign was creepy because it was totally true and really nailed his personality.

When I heard this, I just completely went off about the silliness of astrological signs (no offense intended to those who put stock in those things) and I watched as my son's face fell and he walked away.  Then it hit me.  I had reacted foolishly!  He was opening up to me and telling me a little about his hopes and dreams for the future.

Luckily, it's never too late to fix things in a relationship.  Later I went and apologized and talked about how wonderful a person he was and how excited I was for his hopes and dreams, and that I believed in him.  It was a bonding moment.....which could've happened a lot earlier if I had remembered to withold judgement.

Often times we judge and speak before we listen.  We need to listen with our hearts, and trust that our children have good intentions.  Even if they don't have good intentions, if they see that we believe in them, then they will be empowered to make the right choices much more than if we judge and lecture.

One key to not judging I've found over the years is to ask questions first.  Before you lecture, ask questions.  See if that child can come to the right conclusions just by talking it out with you.  It works way better than a lecture, and preserves the bond of love and trust.

Christmas Humor

(www.petpremium.com)

Ha ha ha!  I'm totally getting this stocking for my youngest son!