7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors that Limit Your Child's Success

(Forbes.com)

I found this article from Forbes magazine who is also doing a good parenting series, called "7 Crippling Behaviors that Limit Our Child's Success".  Here is a link to it.  It was a really great article with good insights.

I have to add my own two cents in here too.  I think one more crippling behavior is that sometimes we "validate" our childrens' tendency to behave as "victims".  When kids are mean to them at school, we teach them that those kids are mean and they should be nicer.  We go to the principle, or talk to the teacher and behave as if it is others' responsibility to make our kids happy.  But I'm wondering if this isn't a little bit backwards.  We can't change the outside world...there will always be mean kids, or hard circumstances.  Maybe we have to change our kids, to be able to be stronger inside:  strong enough to handle hard times.  They have to know that true happiness comes from within, and that they can be happy in spite of kids who are mean, or circumstances that are hard.  We can strengthen our children and teach them coping skills.  We can teach them how to find happiness in developing their talents, strengthening family relationships, or reaching out to other kids who might need a friend.  That way they don't have to depend on others for happiness, and though they might feel bad  that life is not exactly the way they would like it, they can still be happy.

I just think that we do our children a disservice by trying to smooth the way for them.  Life will always be hard.  So maybe the answer is that they need strength within, so they will always be up to the challenges life throws at them.   And we need to teach them how to do it.

Is Time Out BAD for your Child?

(child-behavior-guide.com)

New brain studies show that it may be.  Here is a link to an article about the study.  I used to give my children time-outs, but I did notice some of the things it said in this article, so I decided linking priveliges to correct behavior works much better.  (i.e.  Tommy, you can play with this toy after you put the silverware away....or I'm going to put this toy up, until you can agree how best to share it.)  Also, after asking them to obey, getting up and physically helping them to obey with a patient tone of voice also works.  I really liked the suggestions in the article.  What did you think?

Should you give your child an Allowance?

(financesonline.com)

I have to say, I agree with the people who say, "allowance" implies giving something away for free.  But whatever you call it, it's important to teach children that they need to earn what they get.  Giving an allowance is not bad, as long as the children know that it is tied to their efforts, and that it diminishes if the effort wanes.

In our family we like to assign chores to the children just because they live in the family and have to help out.  However, we also make EXTRA jobs available for pay.  This is important because children need to learn how to manage their money.

When they do earn money, it's important to teach correct principles about budgeting, but then let them choose for themselves.  This is one area where it is pretty safe to let them make mistakes and learn from their experience.

Here is a link to a whole list of articles on teaching kids about money.  There is also a great book called, "The Entitlement Trap" by Linda and Richard Eyre, which is really helpful to read when deciding how to teach kids about money.

Dealing with Power Struggles

(www.crownheights.info)

Power struggles are a daily fact of life in parenting.  Your child is going to want to establish independence, and this is good!  It's when they think you are standing in the way of their independence that the power struggles begin.  How can you keep them safe, guide them and teach them while still letting them explore their independence?  Here are some tips that have helped in our family.

1. Let them make choices-  This is hard sometimes as a parent, but children need to practice making choices.  You even need to let them make bad choices, so they can learn from the consequences.  For instance, you might say, "Johnny, it's pretty cold out today, I don't know if you want to wear shorts to school."  Then if they still insist, you can let them do it, and they will learn.  But let them choose their outfits and the way they wear their hair.  Let them choose their activities.  Give them a list of activities to choose from that will work for your schedule.

2. When assigning tasks, also let them choose.  This works well to avoid power struggles about chores.  If you have a list of tasks they can choose from, it will go much better, as they feel the power when they pick the task themselves.

3.  Take yourself out of the equation.  For example: set a timer or play some music if it needs to be done in a certain amount of time. Then they don't have to fight against you...they are working against a timer, or trying to finish before the music does.

4. Let them choose WHEN they do things.  Perhaps you can't give them a choice of what to do, but you could give them a choice of WHEN to do it.

5.  While they make choices, teach them the consequences of the choice they are about to make.  Of course, if the consequence is unsafe, then you must step in and take the option away.  But you can direct them to new choices.  Re-direction of their attention is also an effective tool, especially with young children.

6.  Teaching them to do things for themselves is another way to take yourself out of the equation, so they don't have to feel like they need to fight against you.  I know a mother whose son fought eating at dinner every day.  Finally she taught him how to make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Each night she put the peanut butter and jelly at the table, and after he tasted two bites of the food, he could make himself a sandwich.  This solved the problem!  No more power struggles!

I hope these things ideas will help reduce the power struggles in your home as well!

Children Need Routines

(aboutourkids.org)

I am a "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" kind of person.  I enjoy being creative.  I don't like charts.  I loathe checklists.  And I despise routines, but I had to change when I had children, and this is why.

Children THRIVE on routine.

Think about this.  A child is basically powerless about how his day will go each day.  He is totally dependent on the whims and opinions of others whether or not (and when) each thing happens daily.

So if sometimes he get's lunch when he's hungry, but many times he doesn't, he's going to feel pretty insecure about getting his hunger taken care of.  And he's going to be whiny.  He's going to bug you until it drives you crazy about what he's going to have for lunch and when it's going to be.

Routines give children security because they can count on what to expect each day.  As children get older, they can handle more disruption from routine.  They "get" that even if lunch is late, it will still come.  So the younger the child, the more routine they need.

I learned how well children thrive on routine when I took in a foster child for a while.  Someone told me to make a chart, so the child would know what to expect, and not feel so lost in a new home.  I thought that sounded like a good idea, so I made up a chart of the daily routine, rules, and a list of what kind of behavior was expected in the home.  The foster child LOVED it!  But my own children loved it even more.  They went crazy over it.  I was shocked because I thought they didn't care about routine.  Apparently I was wrong.  And ever since then, I've relied on routines to help my children feel more secure and well cared for.

I have to tell you...it works.  They are way less whiny.  And much happier.  What kind of routines have worked for you in your family?

Genius Parenting Hacks!

I had to share these parenting ideas found on buzzfeed.com.  Some of them are seriously brilliant!

CLICK HERE TO SEE THEM!

How to Stop The Whining

meaningfulmama.com

It's every mother's nightmare:  whining, crying kids as you're trying to get dinner ready, or when they come home from school, and especially just before bed.  How can you get a handle on it and reduce it in your home?

It's important to teach children not to whine and cry for things they want.  Not only does it make everyone miserable, it's not good for the child's self-esteem.  I learned early on some tricks that helped to lessen and even eliminate the whining in our home.

1.  Make sure the children have regular meals and snacks.  Many times children whine because they are hungry and they don't realize it.

2.  Make sure they are getting enough sleep.  And don't forget teens need as much sleep as a toddler does.

3. Make sure they are getting enough attention and love and touch.  Many times you just have to stop what you are doing and talk to them or rock them in a rocking chair for a few minutes.  They just need reassurance during the busy times of the day.

4.  Tell young ones to "use their words" to tell you what is wrong.

5.  If the above doesn't work, tell them they need to go to their room to calm down.  Let them come out when they are calm.  We used to tell the kids, you can whine in your room to your pillow, but you can't whine at other people, so you have to go in your room when you whine.  (This is not a punishment...this is just a calming down period.)  When they come out, give them a giant hug and tell them how proud you are that they stopped whining.  Ask them if they want to talk about what was bothering them in a nice voice.  Let them go play if they've forgotten about it, which will be the case nine times out of ten.

These are methods you can use that will help eliminate whining.  If they know it's not acceptable near you, and they have to go to their rooms to calm down...they usually can control themselves after awhile.  Hope this helps you to regain your sanity!  I know it helped me!  Here is another great article on whining from meaningfulmama.com

(meaningfulmama.com)